Slayers Parody
by Crystal56
Summary: Lina Inverse meets up with a childhood friend...and adventure ensues...as do other things...
1. Attack! Lina gets ahold of treasure

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers...nor do I own the plot...for the most part.

A/N: **WARNING** this is a parody, AU with not mentioning of Gourry or Amelia. If you don't like that, then don't read it. If you do and decide to flame it, you're an idiot. I warned you...it's your own fault if you don't read summaries or Author Notices. Thank you for your time to read this...and remember, you were **WARNED!**

**WARNING 2: **This is basically beginning like the first of the season...same deal with Shabrangido (hope I spelled that right...)...just in a different way!

Chapter 1: Meeting with an old friend...

The bandit camp was noisy tonight. Good, that was what Lina had been waiting for. She had overheard that their camp had recently come across a nice big hoard of goods and Lina meant to take it from them.

"Source of all power, light which burns beyond crimson, Let thy power gather in my hand!" she shouted, "Fireball!" With those fatal words the assault began.

"Run!" someone shouted, "We're under attack!" Lina let out a smirk as the smoke cleared somewhat and she saw the boss, of course, he had to be...only the boss was fat and lazy.

"LINA INVERSE!" he cried as he recognized her face and began to run in the opposite direction.

"You aren't getting away that easily..." she said with a smile, "Fireball!" The boss erupted into flames and amidst the chaos she took out a bag and made her way over to the treasure stash.

"Hey, that's our treasure!" the boss cried out, letting out a burnt puff of air.

"Lucky me!" Lina said, ignoring them and taking out gold, gems and priceless artifacts, "This is what I call a good day!" Bag after bag she stored and then she smiled again.

"..." the boss couldn't exactly complain anymore, he just lay in a heap upon the ground.

"Ray Wing!" she shouted and lifted off of the ground, with another big smile and patting on the bag of treasure she held onto, she was gone. One of the injured parties slowly made his way past burning buildings and collapsing towers. He was badly burned himself.

"I'll get you for this Inverse..." he coughed up as he made his slow way, "Damn you!"

"Well, it's more than a beautiful day..." Crystal Ryu said, stretching her arms, "I should be at a town sooner or later...warm food, soft bed... I haven't had one of those in almost a week!" She made her way down the path, yawning as she did so. It was just past lunch time, and she was attempting to stay awake after eating such a large meal of fish. Food seemed to make her slow for about an hour after eating, when she overate.

"At least my habits aren't like that of Lina-kun," she sighed and stretched again. She knew Lina Inverse by all the nicknames she had earned, Bandit Killer, Dragon Spooker...and by other ones she had called Lina in her childhood. Of course, she was subject to nicknames herself. Crystal was known as Red Eyes Ryu, because there were times when her eyes glowed blood crimson, and the one she hated most of all, Dragon's Lost Child, or what people used when they wanted to be crude, Dragon's Bastard.

"I am not!" she always said, "I'm a full dragon!" She wasn't one of those Golden Dragons either that she had heard so much about; rather, she was one of the dragon clan, a very powerful and formidable clan. Actually, come to think about it, she was a member of the Tri-Clan, of the dragon, phoenix and fairy, not to mention other clans that might be in her blood, which was why she was powerful and was shunned by many of the individual clans. The Tri-Clan was the most powerful, kind of like an overlord of the other clans, respected, but feared. Crystal Ryu was the last of her kind, but then again, her race of the Tri-Clan was cursed to only have one direct line...one curse she knew she could break in her lifetime...which was eternal.

"If only Lina-kun was here, I wouldn't be so bored!" she let out another sigh and started walking again. She always seemed to be lost in thought. Crystal fondly remembered that when the two of them parted a few years back, she remembered what Lina had said.

"Remember Crystal, we're not small, we're petit, it's a very good thing to be. And our eyes are enormously cute, not overly large," she had said, and with a very peevish note added, "I'm sure our breasts still have time to grow..." I laughed at that and then sighed...it was probably true. Out of all the girls in their village, they had remained short, basically flat chested and they had the biggest eyes of anyone, which was why we were friends. One could consider that birds of a feather flock together, but it was more like we both liked magic more than half our village and we studied together and both wanted to seek adventure. Of course, what Lina said must have changed, because from what Crystal heard was that she hadn't grown much and had become very sensitive to the size of her endowments.

"Aye, she's something," I muttered, "I've accepted my sizes as permanent, and what has she done? Kicked anyone who dared call her otherwise!" She heard some murmured voices coming from some bushes nearby and decided she finally found her adventure.

"Hello bandits..." she murmured and whispered one of her minor incantations, "I call the master of the wind...goddess of the wind..."

"Who's there?" a voice asked and Crystal smiled and continued to cast.

"Northern winds of ice...enshroud my enemies!" Crystal shouted, "Northern Blast!" Two guys that were hidden behind the bush were thrown backwards into a clearing, knocked out cold and shivering in their unconscious state. Crystal pulled an Inverse and picked their pockets.

"I say again, who's there?" the voice repeated. Wait a minute, that wasn't a male's voice, it was a female's voice! Crystal turned around and looked towards the path to see a familiar black cape. Was that be by chance...LINA-KUN?

"Hello out there! I'm sorry I disturbed you by any chance. I was taking care of some bandits who were enshrouded in the bushes!" Crystal replied, and came out back onto the path.

"Yeah, I heard, I don't hear many using cheap elemental tricks very often..." she said and turned around to face Crystal fully, "Oh my god...is that...Crystal RYU?

"Are you by chance Dragon Spooker Inverse?" Crystal asked back with a smile. The girl glared at Crystal and then broke into a smile.

"It's been what, three years?" Lina asked, "And don't refer to me as such ever again!"

"Why not Lina-kun?" Crystal asked, "I mean...not like I don't have my own nicknames..."

"Don't call me Dragon Spooker, I won't call you Dragon Basta..." she began but not before Crystal whapped her on the head, "OW!"

"Fine then, it's a deal!" Crystal said with a smile and then gave Lina a hug, "It's been too long!"

"Yeah, and you're almost as violent as I am!" she replied and then rubbed her head carefully, "You didn't need to be so hard...I didn't hit you!"

"You would have!" Crystal said and turned away, "So it was a preemptive strike!"

"Fireba..." Lina began and Crystal backed away.

"Fine, I'll knock it off," she interrupted before Lina could finish her spell, "I know one thing, your fireballs are the most powerful I've seen!"

"Don't forget it either!" Lina said, pleased by the compliment, "So, are you heading up to the next village?"

"I was hoping to get a meal and such!" Crystal replied.

"Do you want to walk together? We haven't seen each other in forever and all that," Lina said, taking a few steps.

"That sounds like fun..." she replied, "Race you!"

"No way, we walk and talk..." Lina said, "How else do you catch up on lost time?"

"Alright," Crystal replied, "But only because it's you!"

"I knew you'd say that," Lina replied for a laugh. The two walked together for a little bit.

"Um...Lina, why is your cape sort of jingling?" Crystal asked and Lina smiled over at her.

"I had a good day," she said, "Lots of bandits!"

"Oh really, was there anything valuable?" Crystal asked, "I mean, besides gems and rubies?"

"Just a Statue and a Demonic knife," she said, "And a few old coins."

"Any jewels?" Crystal asked with interest.

"Just some imperfect ones," she replied, "So, where are you headed...besides towards lunch?"

"I don't know," Crystal replied with a giggle, "I was looking for adventure but I found you instead!" They walked along until a town came into sight, and Lina let out a sigh, they had been catching up on a lot of things over the walk, especially some of the adventures they had had.

"Well, I'm on my way to Atlas City," Lina said as they made their way to an inn.

"Really," Crystal said, "Sounds like fun!" They sat down and took the menus handed to them.

"Do you want to travel with me?" Lina asked after a pause, "I mean, I know it's been a while but..."

"No, that sounds great!" Crystal replied, "I can't remember the last time we traveled together at all!"

"No, I can't either...well, not very well," Lina replied, "Do you still have issues though?"

"Some..." Crystal said, becoming very interested in the menu, "Nothing different than last time we were together..."

"Nothing has changed, has it?" Lina asked, "So I'll be looking out for you?"

"You wish Lina-kun!" Crystal replied, "I can look after myself just fine!"

"I'm willing to bet you still have that horrible sense of direction..." Lina said, "And besides, we used to watch each other's backs before. What's so different now?"

"I don't know...we're older..." Crystal said.

"Well that may be," Lina replied, "But we still are best friends, right?"

"Right Lina-kun!" she replied with a grin, "Now we can eat something!"

"Must you always use those stupid honor-fics?" Lina murmured with a sigh, "Must you?" Crystal grinned with a gleam in her eye. Traveling with Lina would be fun, just like old times...

TBC

A/N: I think I'll leave it at that. If you read the title and summary and didn't like those and still read this chapter, you have no right to flame, you shouldn't flame...I will use flames to roast my marshmallows...

If it seems dialogue driven, some parts of it will be...Life is made up of dialogue.

Let me know what you think!

And don't say I didn't warn you!


	2. Bold! The enemy makes itself known!

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers...if I did...well, never mind that!

A/N: Thanks to all the reviews in the previous chapter! Now onto the next!

Chapter 2: Meeting the Enemy

_To be a dragon is a curse at times, especially for Crystal Ryu. Once every two months, the dragon blood in them demands a fresh kill. The women have a time limit however, whereas the men just get weaker and weaker until it kicks in, their need to hunt. They know when they need to feed from desire in their blood that overcomes even the need to eat normally as they should. The women have it worse, they must feed before their second time of the month begins or else...or else... death shall follow them. The same exists for men. To be honest, there is a cure, or rather a better option. At least for the females...once they bear children, their need for a fresh kill occurs only once a year starting from the time they give birth. It doesn't matter how many children are born, the time remains the same. Crystal Ryu accepted her fate and counted it as a blessing of sorts. Always trying to remain cheerful when in truth she had nothing to be cheerful about... There are other things that hum and lay dormant in Crystal Ryu's blood, but the dragon is the worst of them all._

"Wow, that's some statue!" Crystal said, taking it from Lina's hands to examine it, "Are you sure you want to sell it?"

"Yep," Lina said, "I can turn it into money along with a few other things..." They had finished dinner and were now just having tea as they talked and had light conversation.

"So, you've gotten better at your spells as well?" Crystal asked, "I mean, I have improved with mine..."

"I can tell," Lina said, "It's in your eyes! You have suffered and you have gotten stronger..."

"Only you could read my eyes like that Lina-kun," Crystal said with a sigh, "God how I've missed your company..."

"Why, is it because I always used to protect you?" Lina asked with a grin, "Or are you going to give me that big speech about having me be like a sister to you..."

"Don't those two go together?" Crystal asked, "Ah, never mind...I'm tired...I think I'll turn in for the night!"

"Don't be stupid," Lina said and barely managed to catch her own yawn in time, "Alright, fine, I'm tired too..."

"Yeah...a good night's sleep in a warm bed is just what we need!" Crystal said and stood, heading towards the stairs up to the rooms.

"Gonna get your 4 hours of rest and then go for a run?" Lina asked and Crystal managed a smile.

"Something that is like that..." Crystal said.

"By the way Crystal, are you okay?" Lina asked.

"What do you mean?" Crystal asked.

"I mean...are you good to go or is your blood humming?" she asked, "I know you well enough to know that Crystal..."

"Well..." Crystal began, "I'm okay for now..." Lina looked at her oddly.

"Crystal, you should go tonight then..." Lina began.

"No, I don't have to yet!" Crystal said, "No, I mean it...you don't have to worry Lina-kun..."

"Alright then..." Lina said and opened the door to her room, "Sleep well then tonight...and tomorrow we head off!"

"Aye Lina-kun," Crystal replied and made her way to her room which was down the hall, "Sleep well..."

That night Crystal went out onto the roof of the inn. It was something she did often, just because. The moon was bright tonight, and Crystal liked the glimmer of the moon.

"Dragon..." she murmured from where she had sat down on the roof. She brought out her dearest treasure, her pendant, called the Dragon's Pendant. She was a dragon, not gold, black or anything like that...but a different dragon, a clanswomen dragon, if that made any sense at all.

"..." Crystal just stared at the pendant for the longest time, letting it reflect the moonlight, its multicolored hues glimmering silently. It was connected to her and she was connected to it. She had this pendant for as long as she could remember, and she was cursed to never forget anything, so she'd had this pendant since birth. She sighed, not many knew of its existence, save for legends and myths that circulated the general people.

"I think I should go to bed now..." she whispered and then added as a half joke, "If I don't get my 4 hours of sleep I can be quite moody..."

**At the edge of town**

"Is that it?" a cloaked figure asked, "I could've sworn I saw it glint in the moonlight!"

"It is!" the bandaged figure replied, "Oh, and she's traveling with that other girl! If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be in this condition!"

"Two of the relics we seek on the person of these two girls...we shall have to deal with them..." the cloaked figure said, and then looked to see his companion was still complaining.

"OH, I'm going to make her regret messing with me!" he cried and the cloaked figure sighed, "She's going to catch it once we get her!"

"Calm down," the cloaked figure replied, "In due time...we'll get what we want, both the items shall be ours..."

**Morning... (Back to Lina and Crystal)**

"Ah, it's such a nice day!" Lina said, "We're on the open road, nothing to bother us at all!" Crystal let out a giggle and ran ahead of Lina for a few steps. She was in quite the good mood, she couldn't explain why but she was.

"I concur!" Crystal said and giggled again, "I mean, it seems that the bandits that you told me you attacked haven't come after you at all!"

"Actually they did yesterday," she replied, "I had gotten rid of them moments before I met you!"

"Oh...that's something!" Crystal said, "They didn't call you bad names, did they?"

"Don't go starting that!" Lina said, "You know I'll fireball you for any mentioning of some of my 'nicknames'."

"Yes Lina-kun, now come on! We have to hurry if we want to make it to the next town before nightfall!" Crystal exclaimed and ran ahead. Lina laughed slightly and ran to catch up to Crystal.

"I don't believe you sometimes Crystal!" she sighed, "You act like such a child!"  
"And you don't?" Crystal asked, "At least we can both play the part..."

"Yeah...whatever..." Lina said disapprovingly, "There are times I wish I still wasn't so short..."

"Good things come in small packages!" Crystal said, "Trust me, I should know!"

**Later that Night**

"This is what life is all about," Lina said, "GOOD FOOD!" The plates piled high with food sat on the table between the two girls. They both dug in and downed plate after plate of food.

"So, Lina-kun," Crystal said after a while, "Did you learn any new spells other than the Dragon Slave?"

"What do you mean by that?" Lina asked while downing some soup.

"I mean have you learned some new spells, some of the smaller spells? I remember offering to teach you some minor elemental magics a while back," Crystal said, "But you rejected my offer..."

"Of course I know more of the minor spells! I even have some of my own," she said, "But what bring that up?"

"Well, it's because there are a few bandit looking people in the doorway, go ahead, show me your magic!" Crystal said with a bright smile on her face. Lina glared at her.

"You, it's you!" one man said. Crystal and Lina looked over to see a bandaged up man surrounded by a small group of trolls.

"Oh my, what's going on here?" Lina asked, "My name is Sophie and the girl you're looking for isn't here!"

"I don't care what your name is! You stole some treasure and now I want it!" he said, "So hand it over!"

"Wanting to take something that isn't yours? Then you're a thief!" Lina said, "And that's bad..."

"You stole it yourself you know!" Crystal said, "Isn't that...?"  
"I stole it from the bad guys so that makes it alright!" she said, "Alright then..."

"What is it?" the man asked.

"If you want it so badly let's take this outside!" she cried and Crystal sighed, "What?"

"I don't want to take this outside, just give use the treasure!" he said and Crystal looked at him, as if searching him for something.

"Crystal?" Lina asked, "What's up?"

"He wants something more than just what you have...and I have it, don't I?" Crystal asked, "Very well, I will fight you as well..." Lina stared at her and noted Crystal's change. When she went into her sort of trance, she was sort of scary.

"Fine then, get her!" the man shouted and Lina dodged the troll's clubs, activating a spell and tapping on some of the trolls, eventually coming to rest at Crystal's side.

"Hi, I'm home!" she said and Crystal stared at her with a cocked eyebrow.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Just wound those trolls coming at us, okay?" Lina asked.

"Why?" Crystal asked, "Trolls heal!"

"Just any little wound will do!" she said and Crystal sighed, what harm could it do? Then again, she had no reason not to trust her friend. Crystal pulled out her set of minor daggers and let them fly, one of her hidden tricks. She poked each troll and drew her daggers back into her cloak.

"That was some trick but it won't work!" the man said but before he could continue the trolls seemed to be absorbed into themselves and little bits of troll scattered everywhere!

"Oh, you reversed their healing abilities?" Crystal asked Lina.

"You take all the fun out of this!" Lina whined.

"I apologize; I shall try to remain more ignorant from now on!" Crystal replied coolly, "Okay?"

"You make me so mad sometimes!" Lina said.

"What're friends for?" Crystal asked with a grin.

"Now, back to you," Lina said, turning towards the man, "I do better spells than you so prepare yourself..." Crystal smiled inwardly; she knew this trick better than anyone else, so she decided to play along.

"Don't burn up everything!" she said and Lina grinned.

"Don't worry I won't!" Lina said, and began to cast, making the movements that were ever popular and recognized as her fireball attack, "Light which burns beyond crimson flame, let thy power gather in my hand..."

"A fireball?" the man asked, "Get out of here everyone!" He dashed out the door and the trolls were quick to follow. Lina let out a sigh of relief.

"Light, makes everything turn out alright!" she said and then noticed the owner staring at her.

"What am I supposed to do about all these damages?" he asked her angrily and Crystal took a step back and sat down on an unbroken bench. She knew Lina would take care of things alright. Crystal hardly paid attention though as Lina did her little spiel about how she was sorry and handed the man a ruby. Like Crystal had thought, the man accepted it and the apology as well.

"Lucky me!" she said happily and then grabbed Crystal's hand, "C'mon, we should get to our inn now..."

"..." Crystal just remained silent and trailed behind Lina, listening to her talk about meaningless things. The bandaged up man had wanted two things, one Lina had and one that she had, right? She assumed that the man was looking for her pendant, but what could Lina have that someone would want? Was it that statue she had been showed her? This wasn't about to end just because Lina had tricked the man into running away. He'd be back, wouldn't he...?

"Crystal, are you listening to a word I'm saying?" Lina asked and snapped Crystal out of her trance, "Geeze, you are so distant when you begin to act like you did in the restaurant. Don't tell me you'll continue to act like that from now on..."

"They'll come and see us tonight, those that want what we have," she said softly, "I'll remain like this until they leave..."

"How do you know these things?" Lina asked with a sigh, "Oh well...you have changed a lot in the years we've been apart. Have your abilities evolved so that your 'visions of the future' are more certain?"

"We shall see I guess," Crystal replied, "We shall see..."

"You're too powerful for your own good sometimes, do you know that?" Lina asked and Crystal let out a nervous laugh.

"Just sometimes..." Crystal replied and moved a little faster to join up with Lina as they headed towards the inn for the night.

"So anyways..." Lina said, "That's what happened with the bandits, see?"

"Yeah, but some of them are still after you Lina-kun by the looks of it!" Crystal said and half smiled.

"I know..." Lina said, "I could've sworn I took care of the last of them the other day... but oh well!" She smiled brightly at Crystal and Crystal sighed. After a pregnant pause, there was a knocking at the door.

"Who is it?" Lina asked and Crystal went to sit down on the bed.

"I am a traveler. You have an item in your possession and I wish to purchase it," a voice replied.

TBC

A/N: I'm gonna leave it there for now... Getting any better? I sure hope it isn't getting worse...that'd be funny and kind of sad. You know the drill, read and review and all flames roast marshmallows!


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